SO LONG FAREWELL , I HATE TO SAY GOODBYE......

Goodbyes r something that i am geniuely bad at , try as hard as i can to be strong yet a mere goodbye to some for me is the most dreadful thought ever, i just hate the word well now imagine this in normal circumstances when we do bid adieu to our loved ones we do so knowing they will return don't we ?,hoping beyond hope that theres always a next time But what if there is no next time........
its a scary thought indeed i agree that ceased to exist in mind till this very evening well i used to go this old age home "sharan" (thats the name of the place) well yes it started of as part of our social work credit for college but later i just fell in love with the inhabitants here ,i mean till a few weeks ago there were just uncle from 107 or the aunty from room 103 but gradually through the zillion gossip and carrom sessions, to the many walks we had in the garden to the random tv surfing we struck a bond , a bond which was a mixture of friendship,that of being a parent and even a grandparent at times its now when i look back i know what i have lost indeed it was the most incredible and special bond that ever existed , its at this very place i met some really "divine" souls but of all of them i was really close to santha aunty there was something about her that made you fall in love with her she was such a beautiful lady in every true sense of the word .
She intially did come across as very shy and reticent but few weeks into knowing aunty lol she gave me hard competition when it came to yakking (no kidding!) from her kids to grandkids , to remincing her good old days as a kid to her courtship days with her hubby to her love marriage to her first day at work we had yakked it all , then when we were left with no more past stories we zoomed into the present and future from today's tv serials to actors courting younger women to maritians we did that too....
just sitting there in her room watching the pitter patter of the rain seeing it cleanse the dirt laden grounds or just sitting in her room that chilly winter eveing wishing for hot cuppa of chai it was these little things that i will miss the most funny isn't it that day when i went to meet santha aunty she was very ill but she was exicted to see me after such a long time we chatted like long lost friends and then as i got up to leave and said the most dreaded goodbye i gave her big hug "knowing" she will recover soon after all santha aunty fallen ill before and recovered shes a fighter it didnt rouble me much well not until today (a good 2months since she passed away) when i went there again to see her was just dying to meet her , waiting to feel her motherly warmth just rushed into her room only to find someone else there wait, was this a mistake no how can it be this is the room?? these were the first thoughts in my mind it took me while to calm down and when i did the news of her death broken to me i just sat there lost and numb least expecting this i sat on her chair imaging her sit there and watch tv, all along was hoping was just a dream and santha aunty still alive and she would come in through that very door and hug me and ..............................
why does this happen?? when you least expected it , things won't be the same at sharan without her its difficult aunty knowing i will see you no longer but i promise to continue and meet many more incredible people like you my only regret is i didnt get to see for one last time and give you the biggest hug but then again am glad i didnt coz if i knew it was the last time am seeing you it would be even harder to say goodbye ,i will miss you aunty i certainly will.

AND THE MEMORIES LIVE ON

The last few days have simply been amazing, i have always read and even debated on the pro's and con's of rural life but come 1st May and there i was nestled in this serene little village called ambatha (which is around 100kms from nashik) ,and thats when it hit me real hard i mean debating and talking for hours on end about people living in these villages is one thing but actcually living that kind of life and experinicing it for yourself is totally other.I always thought i could manage but i nearly "freaked out" when i realized that there were no taps in the loos and bathrooms and we needed to draw water from this well , and there was water scarcity so we had to save the tiniest drop of water, yup the area we stayed had fans and lights its just that we never were really able to use them there were power cuts for 20-22 hrs a day .The firstday or two i must admit i was wondering what did i get myself into but come the third day it did not matter whether there was electricity or not , nor did it matter that we had to draw water in fact i fell in love with all of it not for once after that did i think it was difficult or uncomfortable.The most of all i fell in love with the kids (the aim of trip was to teach these tribal kids english they were in standard 10 and were studying in marathi medium) this trip has really made me think and think some more its brought some real worrying questions to mind like
firstly when we taught the kids and interacted with them i realized its not like they are dumb or that the don't know stuff they are equally good and smart its just that they have a real problem communicating their thoughts in english speak to them in marathi or hindi and you will be suprized the amount of gyaan they have , the language barrier does exist and thats where the whole problem lies and in a way it made me change my prespective towards certain things like intailly i would strongly feel that reservations at the grassroot levels (like schools,colleges ....)and all would help these kids and having reservations at a higher level won't really help true but then again has anyone thought that even reservations at the grassroot level wont help because even then the medium of education used would be "marathi" which makes it diffficult for the students to compete later and its not that they are incapable of competing they surely can but its coz of english they loose out is it fair??? after all come to think of it english is their third language , how many of us are fluent in our third language all throughout school and college life we have been comfortably conversing in english and then one fine day ask us to start conversing in marathi we feel restricted don't we? its intersting to note how differently we react to this language divide when we ourselves are not part of the picture.
the second thing is that we want development and change to happen throughout and yet on one level we want our villages to remain the same and not loose out their charm ? ironic isn't it , that apart we (urban india) have every right to move away to greener pastures for better opportunites and but when it comes to rural india and our villages we immediately begin to question why people migrate to cities? and even if they do how many them go back and try to change things and improve conditions back home how ridiculous can we get? not once does anyone question the intentions of the "urban elite" then why does it apply to the rural??
another very intresting thing was that this whole glamourized picture we (both of us the urban and the rural ) have of each other its fascinating in a way .
This trip has literally forced me to find answers and the serach continues , above all what i really loved about the trip was it just to an extent changed me as a person its truly made me realize its the smallest things in life that give bring you the ulitmate joy and happiness that money can nver buy like climbing trees,singing around the bonfire , learing to roll rotis and drawing water from the well ...... phew the list is endless indeed .
I have made a promise to myself to go back there someday having said that now am learning to move on and continue with my wonderful "soulful" journey living with the wonderful memories .